Monday, August 23, 2010

61 stones

Sitting in the waiting room at Colorado State University after I got the news Murphy had nasal cancer, I kept playing and replaying his prognosis in my head like an endless video loop... 15 months to live. 15 months...

That's when you realize immortality becomes mortal... that the life of the one you love is now on a clock. It's an inflection point - the difference between the waxing and waning moon and that the sun that rose with you also sets.

But it's also the realization heaven and earth aren't that far apart. For Murphy and me it's 15 months. Tomorrow I am travelling to Platte River to collect rocks, one for each week they say Murphy has to live.

61 stones.

15 comments:

anitan36 said...

My precious Snoopy was diagnosed with breast cancer on August 8, 2009 and given 3-6 months to live. 3 months came and went, as did 6 months. We are working on 13 months and my little 15 year beagle is still trucking along.

Anita said...

Just remember that Murphy doesn't know he has cancer. He will live his life like he has every day. Live it with him. Prayers he will be with you a lot longer than those 15 months.

Scout 'n Freyja said...

Other than making me sob like a little girl again, your post brings to mind what all of us should remember each morning that we place our feet on the floor to begin our day - that life, any life, is precious and that there is a thin line between us and eternity. Praying for you and your sweet boy, today, tomorrow and always.

Gay L. Balliet said...

If it's any consolation, vets (I'm married to one) usy low-ball statistics like this because they don't want to give false hope and also, because when Murphy lives longer than the allotted than the fifteen months, the vets look like heroes. Based on their numbers, it wud be safe to say that Murphy will live another year and a hf to two years. I don't know how old he us, but this might then put him at or even beyond his natural lifespan. As u know, large dogs like Murphy and. Malcolm just don't live very long. Too bad, but those r the facts. Still, I'd say he'll probably live another one and a half to two yeArs yet, so u better collect a basket of stones

Diana said...

Where is home for these rocks right now? That would make a very heavy load if you were to carry them Luke. Just wondering if they are small pebbles in a bag you keep with you? or are they larger and in the keeping of Grandma G? Are you discarding one each week - watching the pile grow smaller? or are you telling your weekly stories to a single one and placing it somewhere with significance? Just wondering in Pittsburgh, Pa while I pray for you all.

Teresa said...

I just found your blog and am reading through. For what it's worth, my beagle was diagnosed with cancer (mast cell tumor, so different kind) 4 years ago. I was told that with surgery and chemo he'd probably live 12 months. He's still with me (and was when I battled cancer myself one year ago) and there are no signs of the cancer (in either of us!).Statistically, he was one of the lucky ones. I wish the same for your Murphy.

Erich Trapp said...

Collect more stones. Error on the side of optimism.

Mary James said...

I'm with Erich. My Cemil got an osteosarcoma diagnosis and a clock--we're at twice as many stones and still going strong. Don't give up.

Anonymous said...

Luke,
Collect lots of stones. Murphy may well be with you much longer. You just never know.
No mateer when he leaves for heaven his love will always be with you in your heart.
I pray you strength, comfort, peace & faith.
HUGS,
Georgia

nanarosiew said...

Oh, Luke, please find your warrior spirit. The stones will remind you of what MIGHT come, not what you have now. You see the stones and see death, but look at Murphy and see life. See his spirit and how brave and tough he is.Don't count the weeks as if his days are numbered; Murphy will sense it. Live each day with the joy of having him by your side and help him to find that joy. So many of us have been praying, sending healing thoughts and have faith and we will continue. If you must gather the stones, then as Erich said, gather more than 61. Have faith, Luke. God and Murphy just may fool you.

The Yorkie Pack said...

Erich is right Luke - you need to be more optimistic. No one wants Murphy to live more then you and the rest of the 2 Dogs Team. Everyone is behind you and feels your pain. You are going through the steps as I see it. I don't know the exact order of things but Disbelief, Pain, Anger, Sorrow are all part of it - you are torturing yourself - try to find something to accomplish with Murphy each day. Even if it is just a good nights sleep - a calm walk in the mountains - something peaceful and something that makes him happy as well as the time shared between you. Nothing will hurt you more then later realizing all you could have done but didn't. Love You
Pauline and Twiggy and the Toybox Gang.

Anke van Drunick said...

Yes! Try to be optimistic and collect more stones!!!

Jeff said...

I'm in agreement with Erich, His ways are not our ways ... Enjoy and cherish each moment; don't let it become a countdown Luke.

pam said...

Luke, 61 is a guess-timate....the Universe gives you what you expect and are grateful for. I would pick up twice (or more) that amount. The doctors know a lot, but they can only guess. Love works miracles. Hold onto that and expect better. It's ok to be a realist, but reality is, is that we ask for too little....think big!

Jenny said...

Years ago, one of my boys Ben was diagnosed with cancer. I celebrate my dogs birthdays .. of course! .. and was looking forward to my other dog’s birthday in 3 weeks. The vet said the cancer was very aggressive and Ben wouldn’t make it to the birthday. He recommended putting him to sleep but I couldn’t. I read everything I could get my hands on regarding alternative therapies and decided on which supplements I thought may help and sought a naturopath’s agreement. Ben happily took all of his supplements and within a week or so my 12 year old boy had a new lease on life. Outwardly Ben continued to be well and happy and had more energy than he had had for a long time. One morning, 19 months later Ben couldn’t get up and the vet came in and helped my precious boy pass over. So Luke, I understand about your counting but know that the “experts” are so often wrong. Sending love and prayers.