Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Three Days Til Dawn

I turned 41 today.  Out of the hundreds of FB posts and emails I got, the most asked question was 'what do you wish for on your birthday'?  

A few of my instinctive answers were that the Kardashian family go away for good  in a reality show called KTHNXBYE;  Season 2 of Game of Thrones gets here earlier than April; and Ricky Gervais and Louis CK win the election next year in some strange power sharing constitutional thing I don't even know about and Anthony Bourdain becomes the First Lady.  

Those are all noble and global wishes but the truth is I just want to feel something, anything on my birthday. The 18 day fast I took after losing Murphy was one of the hardest things I've ever done physically but I didn't have the emotional reconciliation and release I had hoped for in the solitude of Tennessee's sweltering forests. And I really tried to give up the pain.  

Then Buddy died from Congestive Heart Failure secondary to lung cancer metastisis shortly after I returned from the fast.  Since then I have felt nothing and that's a very sad lonely place for a person of great vision and passion to be.  

So my 41st birthday wish was to feel something again until I realized the world wasn't built on wishes.  It was built by dreamers who defied the absolute odds against them. 

I haven't finished Book 1 of our story yet because the sadness of our tale consumed me and I just lost sight of it.  

But I made a promise to you to have it out in December 2011.  That leaves me with three days...

Sunday, December 25, 2011