Wednesday, December 1, 2010

43 Stones

Murphy finished his course of antibiotics but he continues to bleed from his left nostril periodically. I've consulted with DVMs & MDs but at the end of the day my instinct tells me something is wrong.

While fish oil is an anticoagulant I began administering 2 grams daily in Louisville back in September but it wasn't until San Francisco two months later that his nosebleeds began. It may be a contributing factor but it isn't the cause.

So what does the nosebleed mean? It could be a positive indication that the tumor cells are lysing or a symptom of tumor growth or even the side effects of radiation.

I talked at length with an ICU doc last night and after running through a scenario analysis, we agreed that it was, in her words, structural. She also pointed out that my insticts have always been spot on with Murphy. True enough as it was nineteen stones ago I awoke Saturday morning and knew something was wrong with Murphy. The following Monday my fears were confirmed that he had nasal cancer.

According to Dr. LaRue his radiation oncolgist that after four months it's more likely than not that some tumor tissue will remain so we're already anticipating surgery or hopefully not more radiation.

We're a week and a half away from his CT scan and while I have many meetings and appearances between now and then I can cancel those and move up our appointment at CSU. The question is, if the tumor is growing again, does a week and a half make a difference?

Back before Malcolm was diagnosed with bone cancer I swore I detected a slight limp and I observed him every day on our walks on the Charles River. But I let his vet convince me I was seeing things. A few weeks later after I finally took him in for an X-ray and got the diagnosis I was racked with guilt for not going with my gut but his oncologist assured me it wouldn't have mattered.

I feel like I have six-shooter pointed at my head with three bullets in it. I'm just so busted up inside.

12 comments:

Marci said...

I was thinking of you today and decided to check your website for any updates on Murphy. I, too, have two Pyr's and your story and your journey have touched my heart in many ways. I wanted you to know that there is someone else praying for you guys. I know there are many thousands like me, but I wanted you to know there is one more.

I don't even know you, yet I love you so much. I love who you are and what you stand for. I love what you've done and continue to do to raise the awareness that you have. You're really someone special.

~~Marci~~

Rebecca said...

"Will a week & a 1/2 make a differnce?" What if it does? or what if you 4-ever 2nd guess yourself that it may have.

You know your pups. You have an incredible bond with them. I say go with your gut.

Just yesterday, I totally over reacted. After losing Kibo to Lymphoma & Sana to Mast cell cancer, in the past year, I am hypervigilant. Yesterday my 2 yr old Lab had "something" pop up on his nose. I immedietly called when I noted it, & was in the vets within an hour. Guess what? It wasnt Mast cell cancer like I was convinced ... it was a pimple. But ... had it been & I hate waited? Id not have been able to forgive myself if there was a poor outcome.

You will decide whats best for Murph. You always do.

Rebecca, RI

Mary said...

Cancel your appointments and move up his date for CT scan at CSU -- it will be more important to you than those appointments. Murphy will be in my prayers.

The Eilenberger's said...

Luke,

I am a firm believer in following that little voice inside you. Meetings, appearances, and the like can all be rescheduled. If you have the opportunity to move up Murphy's appointment and have him checked then I can't see a reason not to do it. We all know there is a problem. What the problem is at this point can only be speculated upon. And there is no way of knowing if the outcome would be different if it is found out sooner or later.

But, peace of mind goes a long way and right now you don't have it. And try and you might to hide it, I'm sure Murphy can pick up on your anxiousness and that isn't good for him either.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself what would give you the most peace. God doesn't give us solutions that fill us with turmoil. If I have to make a difficult decision I know its the right one because God will fill me with a sense of calm about it. It might not be the solution I wanted but I know it is what He meant for me. Take some quite time and if that voice is telling you to take care of your boy...then get your butt up and take care of him. Everything else can wait and will be there at a future date.

Love and prayers to you and the boys...Cindy

Anonymous said...

Luke , I am so glad you checked about the fish oil- it was worrying me. The nasal membranes are so fragile . Whatever your GUT tells you to do is what you should do-- wait or move up the appointment. You really know what it is- just go with it!
My thoughts and prayers and love are with you and sweet Murphy-man \ ( Huds too!) XOXO Julie

Susan said...

Luke - I'd act sooner rather htan later. Animals' instincts & bodies help them cover symptoms until it's very late stage. That's how they keep from looking like prey. Does a week & a half matter? Hard to say. cancer is slow growing, yes. But does that mean 2 weeks doesn't matter? Or a month? It's all adding just one more day. Where do you draw the line? Dog & cat lives move faster than ours, perhaps their illness are sped up too. Better not to wait. Lean on your instincts. They have evolved over millions of years to tell you important things.

Cynthia said...

Luke, I always believe in going with my gut. By moving up the date, it may not make a difference, but you never know. The one thing it will do is ease your anxiety. You know the boys can sense it too. If you have any doubts about waiting, then don't. In the future, you will know you put Murph first and that is all that really matters.

Jenn said...

Listen to your gut. Knowing a week and a half sooner may not make a difference, or it might, but either way you will know that much sooner.

Our dog, Rufus, recently passed because of a brain tumor and the neurologist said he would be surprised if Rufus had had had it for more than a few weeks. A week and a half may have been enough for us to get a jump on it, but by the time he showed symptoms, it was too late and he never stabilized enough to be transported to Ohio State University for radiation. I will always kick myself in the ass for not knowing sooner, even though we couldn't have known.

Sandy said...

Dear Luke, Hudson and Murphy:
I have been following your great journey since you left Austin. I stand with you on your cause. I pray for Murphy and God will help guide you on any decisions you may make. Have faith. I know you do. My heart go's out to you and the boys. I have never met you but I have great admiration and love for all of you. In my prayers! God bless you all. Murphy hang in there buddy!

Love,

Sandy
Cedar Park, TX

JoMorningStar said...

after watching the video you posted of Hudson sticking his nose in Murphy's mouth, what you called 'play' was in fact Hudson picking up on a major problem Before the human sees it.. I took stills out of that video to see for sure what my mind was telling me.. So YES!@!! cancel the appts and RUN to the vets.. there is more there then know.. and you will kick your self if you wait. and next time?? take your video's frame by frame.. Hudson may be telling you something you cant afford to miss.

One animal communicator that listens to the dogs!> Josephine Morningstar!!!

Bettie said...

Hi Luke, I am so sorry to hear about Murphy. Here's hoping and praying he is okay. MY old Rottie, Nikki, has what we think is cancer in her leg. She is 15 and has lived way past what we expected. I believe she will be going to the Rainbow Bridge soon. My vet said either an infection or cancer. We put her on two rounds of antibiotics and it is just growing. Doesn't seem to hurt her, but I am watching for signs of pain. She is too old to put through any surgeries or biopsies, I will just let her go, even though it is killing me. I feel your pain.

Bettie

Anonymous said...

Follow your gut instinct, Luke. If you have to go to CSU early, do it. Other things will wait.