The Endless Winter

Can't help but find a bit of irony in that I just left San Diego in December, a city that never snows, to record breaking snowfall in New England.  It's been a long, harsh, unforgiving, and at times perilous winter but it's impossible not to appreciate the absolute beauty of it.  

There are two photos nearby that embody this dichotomy - the first is of while taking the boys out for their evening constitutional, shadowcasting.  Nothing more than a rustic rotted out fence and a distant light but witness the symmetry and the simplicity.  

The other photo is of Hudson trying to take a piss in the several feet deep of spongy soppy messiness that makes it difficult for him postoperative.  I'm sure there's a greater metaphor here but right now it's buried beneath two tons of snow.  It's been so unending here we're about to make Winterfell look like the Sahara.  

He's recuperating super well, we slept on the kitchen floor last night but brother, can you spare some green grass?  

YBD's Notes 1:  Didn't post it here but Hudson had a mast cell tumor removed yesterday.  Off social media sites for a spell to prepare for the upcoming filming for the interview.  To get updates here's the link: Puppy Up Foundation

YBD's Notes 2: Ginger called me up this morning to complain about the 3 inches of snow they got in TN but in all fairness, she has a Doxie and I'm sure his pecker is snowier than Hudson's.  

Tracing Lines

Sydney didn't make it.  She was due to be discharged this morning but an unexpected cascade of events occurred last night that was unstoppable.

She never made it home but after she was given rest, we got back to Valerie's house and found Hudson on the pile of comforters and pillows

meant for her as though he was awaiting Sydney's return.  And Valerie asked me if I believed Sydney's spirit did make it back.    

Do I believe in that, she asked me.

As a man of both science and faith, I've borne witness to many inexplicable, unresolvable things on my travels. Long ago, I wrote a poem whose opening lines were;

"Cast before a silver sheet,

Tracing lines that never meet."

Reflecting now back on those words I once wrote, I think what I meant was that a life, a love, a mile, a moment in time can be captured photographically but never truly and wholly represented.  

I believe that there is a spiritual connection between loved ones that does and maybe should defy our scientific understanding.  Energy is an expansive thing that is neither created nor destroyed.  And  though the lines never add up and never meet - that connection may change, it is never lost.  

TAGG

 I wrote sometime ago about still being haunted by Highway 40 out of Baltimore on the first walk. For some it's like the naked nightmare when you're in public completely unclothed and exposed or others the one about missing the final exam and failing the semester even years past graduation.

Mine is losing my boys. 

It almost happened on that highway.  I'd been given collars to test out for a potential sponsor. Slim sleek with a few bells and whistles I outfitted Hudson and Murphy with them and hoped they'd work but at that critical point - they failed and slipped off within 50 feet of 4 lanes of traffic traveling 60 mph.  

I had like four heart attacks in the time it took me to secure them.

That wasn't the first time nor the last they got loose and during the 2,300 mile walk and I always imagined, no I hoped for a better solution than microchips which is basically, 'you lost you're dog,well maybe he'll turn up when someone finds him.'

TAGG offers that kind of hope to pet parents and that's why we're partnering with them on this walk.  

Not only does TAGG have GPS tracking if your dog gets lost but you can also monitor their daily activity and they're the only company that does that.  And while we're on the road, TAGG plans on having contests for the pups with the most points though expect some stiff competition from the fuzzybutts.  We're averaging around 500 per day!

Also the folks there have a promo called TAGG it forward and if you purchase a pet tracker you'll get 10% off and they'll donate $25 towards our cause.  Sweet.  Just enter 2dogs in the promo code.

Now that the sites are live, you can track the fuzzybutts as they walk the west coast on the awesome micro site TAGG has built for us at www.2dogsagainstcancer.com.  This is my first time using an iPad and I haven't figured out yet how to hyperlink.  

Thanks to the folks at TAGG & for loaning us one of their teammates Erick who flew up for our launch to walk with us for a few days.  More on that later...  

Day 9: Name That Tumor

Though initial path results were favorable, we're going to do some additional analysis just to be sure, thanks to the advice of our good friends.  

Since the tumor is traveling about now trying to find out who and what it is, it seems a decent thing to give it a name other than, 'Haired skin and subcutis'.  

BTW - Toomey and Poly are taken.  

Day 6: Pathology Report

We got the pathology report back today: Mast Cell Grade II. Dr. B's a bad ass diagnostician so it was as we expected.  Now I have to determine how to proceed.  

As I previously wrote, with wide surgical margins Hudsito's prognosis is favorable. Here's a pretty good article about grading MC tumors, treatment options, etc. from Washington State.

Had Hudson's tumor been grade I, my decision would've wait and see for recurrence.  I'm not so sure now so I'll be conferring with a handful of experts before I determine what, if any, the treatment plan is.  

Day 1: Do Over

So many nights on the road I woke up not knowing where we were or when we were.  That same dazed disorientation has descended upon me since Hudson's diagnosis yesterday. 

But I'm starting to work my way through this mad, miasmic maze to the stone cold stark reality that Hudson has cancer.  

Shit, didn't I just give a speech about this the other day?  

'Oh woe is me' is the pity party we throw ourselves sometimes but it's absolutely essential. It means that you care enough to take it on 100%.  200%.  1,000%.  I'm not good with math so I'll stop here.  

I made many mistakes with Murphy's cancer and they haunt me still but I own them. There are no 'do overs' in life.  

There's only today and tomorrow.   Tomorrow is Day 2.  

Highway 40

Just as I was driving to Dr. Blackburn's vet clinic this morning, I was thinking of a funny way to punk everyone about Hudson's lump on his rump.  I intended to write, 'Well, it's bad news for Hudson.  The vet informed us that he's really a French existentialist with a penchant for Clove cigarettes, berets, beatnik poetry, and menage-a-trois. 

After aspirating the tumor and examining it under the microscope, Dr. 'B', as he's affectionately known, returned to the room and said, 'I'm 100% sure...' and I was about to do a 'Whew' until he continued...'It's a mast cell tumor'. 

Hudson has cancer and is under the knife as I write, to remove it.  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as there is a chance, ever so slight, that when the tumor is excised, the massive release of histamines from the agitated B cells can be fatal it seems though I'm still trying to process the unprocessable.   

But what we do know is that we won't know until it's biopsied what exactly we're up against nor what the plan is for four or five days.  

I will not be on FB or reachable here at the earliest until the results or back.  Ginger will keep you updated probably here and the 2milliondogs fan page.  However, my blog will chronicle every aspect of Hudson's cancer.  

I have to go now and learn everything there is to know about mastocytoma.   

I wondered why I've had nightmares recently about Highway 40. 

I am inconsolable

Time Fer an Update

With all this talk in the book about rocks changing destinies and such I often lose sight of the pebbles that exist inbetween.

I'm taking a week off from the book tonight but will resume next Friday, March 8th, with Chapter 3 and instead will take a tic or two and update everyone with a brief, behind-the-scenes look at what's going on and what's in store.

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A Texas sized 'Thank y'all' from Yer Big Dog

Since I started posting the book here, we're now getting over 1,500 page views per week, a trend that's on the uptick.  I thank you because the decision to publish on the blog and for free, especially when taking into consideration all of the people who have collaborated on the book, wasn't easy.  But I think my instincts to do so are proving out.

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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Yer Big Dog 

I always assumed it was self evident, by virtue of my continued commitment to this cause, or through my actions and writings, that I'm a lifer.  Where I come from, when you commit yourself to a cause greater than yourself, it's lifelong.  When you love, it's eternal.  

In some shape, form, or flavor everything I do from here on out til Yer Big Dog floats down that great river, is in memory of the two I have lost, for the love of all of our companions who cannot speak for themselves, from the faith and certainty of my life's mission, and with my firmest hope and belief that we will one day overcome this disease.  

I am inundated with so many ideas and possibilities that there are days when it becomes almost unbearable but they all serve a single, united purpose.

I am reminded of a scene from the movie, Shadowlands, wherein which Anthony Hopkins, portraying C.S. Lewis, is struggling to make sense of it all after the love of his life was diagnosed with cancer..  Trying to comfort Lewis, a friend of his says, "I know how hard you've been praying and now God is answering your prayers."

"That's not why I pray", he answers.  "I pray because I can't help myself.  I pray because I'm helpless.  I pray because the need flows out of me at all times, waking and sleeping."

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It's the Pebbles, Baby. 

For the almost five years now since I started my mission, I've kinda had a hard time navigating in this sound-bytey, fire and forget, 140 words or less new, new world we live in.  This story is (1) damn, dreadfully difficult to cram down into micro moments and (2) perpetual and with no hope of stopping anytime soon, and (3) unscripted and at times, messy messy messy.    

I'm trying to do a better job of talking more about the pebbles and taking a long needed break from Facebook has helped me put it all into perspective and come up with a plan.   Still, there are a few things I need to set straight.  

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2 Million Dogs. 

Though I am the founder of the foundation, I am not on the payroll nor the Board.  The decision to have no official capacity in the brainchild that began with me was a tough one but I did so for a few reasons.  First of all, I need the latitude to fight for this cause unencumbered. free of restraint, and savagely when necessary.  

Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, is that an organization, a cause, must always be greater than the one that began it.  We've been given a perfect example of that this past year in the cancer world. 

I have complete faith and confidence in the management and leadership of the Foundation as this past year has been a banner one for 2 Million Dogs in every respect.  

But I am starting to feel like Yer Ole Dog instead of a Big'Un.  So...

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Japan.  

My decision to walk across Japan has baffled some and flummoxed others so it's time for me to speak about that.  The burning question is 'Why?'  

Now that the 2 Million Dogs Foundation is doing great, I have to think about myself and how I can, in my own way, continue the legacy that began with Malcolm.  

Publishing the book. Check.  Telling this story on film.  Check.  Working on many other fronts for the cause.  Check.  

But what about me?  After I lost Murphy I've slowly been coming to certain realizations about who and what I am.  

I'm not meant to live a sedentary life and it's time for us to get back on the road and continue our travels.  Why Asia is our next adventure isn't entirely clear and certain to me.  But as my instincts served us well thus far, it is and that's that.  

Plans for Japan will be laid out here as we make our preparations.  I've made a commitment to be a part of the November 2013 Puppy Up! walk after which we will walk from the southern most cape of Kyushu to the northernmost in Hokkaido.  It won't be like the one here in the states.  

One critical side point; it will in no way be financed by 2 Million Dogs.  

I left Austin with a couple hundred bucks in my pocket in 2008 and this, too, will be as organic.

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Shadowlands.

I'm no C.S. Lewis but like him, every second of my every day of my every year from here on out is devoted to this cause because I can't help myself. 

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Next week in Chapter 3 of 'The Rock', is all about that threshold we cross from being a pet owner to a pet parent.