What Price Life?

I wonder how much Murphy is worth?

I mean not to me but in the marketplace.

Kim Kardashian gets $10,000 for every tweet she twitters. Two of those would get us to the breakeven point in Murphy's care. The cast of jersey shores make seven figures for acting like frat boys who honestly deserve a beat down.

Is this what we value in our society?

You have no idea how hard it's been for me trying to reconcile the generosity and goodness of the people we met on the road with the inanity, insanity & absolute dissolution of decency I've seen since.

That's why I haven't asked for any more money for Murphy's care. And won't. I want no part of this travesty.

I'll flay myself first and to the bone before I accept this is the best we can do.

17 Stones: Dei Gratia

If I had to sum up this past month it'd be: heavy hopes, long odds, hard choices, and secondary consequences.

With no evidence of potential therapeutic benefit, I chose to follow up Murphy’s 2nd course of radiation with chemotherapy and then to compound my temerity I decided on a cocktail never tried in canine nasal adenocarcinoma before; carboplatin and gemcitabine a protocol used primarily for osteosarcoma and lung mets.

Wednesday, January 19th, the day Murphy was to receive the first round of chemo his breath was stinkier than normal. We'd tented out the night before on the banks of Lake Somerville and the three of us were all a mite ripe, so I didn't think much of it until I unclamped his maw and noticed an ulcer on the roof of his mouth.

Radiation erosion. Goddamnit.

I knew this was a risk when he went under the Gamma Knife in December at CSU and I knew what it was the second I saw it. It looked like the pink rubber eraser students are required to purchase in grade school only carved out canoe-like.

Not everyone at TAMU was convinced it was erosion – some speculated the tumor was punching through from above, a sort of 'Here's Johnny' from a maniacal, axe wielding Jack Nicholson. Scares the hell outta you either way you look at it.

But I wasn’t particularly thinking about the ulcer that Wednesday. My focus was on stopping the tumor’s growth.

“Start the chemo”, I said simply.

Week one was uneventful and it wasn’t until several days after the second dose of gemcitabine the floor fell out beneath us. Murphy spiked a temperature Monday the 31st and spent two nights in ICU at Texas A&M Vet School. The chemo had wiped out his bone marrow, stripped him of his defenses, and made him susceptible to spontaneously bleeding out from even the slightest laceration.

To make matters worse I had compromised my boy’s immune system at a time when he could ill afford it. The ulcer in his mouth deepened and darkened ominously foreboding a serious infection. Murphy’s body was being thrashed about in a perfect storm, a collision between the maximum effects of both chemotherapy and radiation and we had no way of knowing if the eye was ahead or behind us.

I had convinced myself my aggressiveness, my absolute unwillingness to compromise in saving his life would be his undoing. Try as you may to remove your own ego from making decisions, it’s inextricable.

I picked Murphy up last Wednesday afternoon, late, and drove all night to Memphis not knowing whether he would even survive the drive. He received two days of IV antibiotics and fluids. We brought his WBC and platelets back up to within normal ranges and he’s shown signs of significant improvement.

And while we’re still weathering the storm…. yesterday, when I inspected Murphy’s mouth, the ulcer had almost completely healed. It didn’t perforate nor penetrate and it definitely isn’t tumor.

Go Stillers

Yes'm that's how Yinzers pronounce their own team (not Steelers like the industry which built Pittsburgh but Stillers as in Ben, the actor). That they butcher just about every part of the English language is one of their many endearing and charming qualities.

First and foremost I must disclose, I'm a Patriots fan but they're "Grrr...." not playing today so I won't go into why. But why I'm pulling for the Stillers has less to do with the team itself and more to do with the people of Pittsburgh.

We spent some time there on our way to Boston... we watched Fourth of July fireworks from the rooftop of the Western Pennsylvania Humane Society; had a police escort to Pup Nite at a Pirates game; and toured the Duquesne Incline. It's filled with hundreds of photographs that I stared at transfixed with tremendous appreciation for how hard life must've have been there only a few decades ago. The industrial parts of Pittsburgh were trapped in a permanent midnight from all of the smoke and soot from the mills. Daylight just wasn't let in and so many workers endured those conditions to make a decent living.

And when steel production got exported, they picked themselves up, dusted the soot off and a new city was reborn. Pittsburgh has lost 50% of their population in the past half century but you'd never sense it because their spirit remains unbroken. It's a city of grinders... it's a place where the average person can do the extraordinary. But most important for me, being born the year of the dog, is their loyalty.

I didn't know much about the Stillers back in summer '09 except that growing up in Cowboy country, many of the NFL's greatest rivalries were between the two teams. It was only when I was invited out to training camp in Latrobe to meet Big Ben (pictured nearby) that I began to understand that they don't have fans they have believers.

They care less about who's quarterbacking than the legacy of the team itself and they're so loyal that the mass exodus from the loss of the steel trade created Stiller bars all across the country like a secret cult. I must confess I've never been to one but being in Memphis today on this historic Super Bowl Sunday I should find my first one, hole up, and drink myself silly.

Go Steelers (Long 'e' guys, long 'e')

Love ya & puppy up! which you Pittsburghers (hah!) definitely know how to do...

NOVA Dog Magazine Blogathon Benefiting 2 Million Dogs

The folks at NOVA Dog Magazine have begun an 18 hour Blogathon to bring awareness to canine cancer and benefitting 2 Million Dogs. Thanks to Janelle, the driving force behind this & to the contributing bloggers - Chicks Love Beer and our Beloved Blogging Bob who is finally BACK!!!

Join the fun and if you make a donation you'll have a chance to win an Amazon Kindle - how cool is that?

This is the Blog I submitted....

That cancer has become the greatest scourge ever known is without any doubt, our own damn doing. Not so long ago 4 out of every 5 men smoked and almost just as many women.

Over the past century we’ve engineered and manufactured thousands of industrial chemicals, products, and materials that were either directly sold to consumers or otherwise introduced into our society without their full impact on our health and environment ever studied. The byproducts and waste were then discarded into landfills and even dumped into our water supply wreaking havoc on our ecological systems and forever corrupting our gene pool perhaps making cancer the inheritable disease it is today.

It should be of no surprise then that for the first time in history the World Health Organization recently revealed that cancer is now the number one cause of death worldwide beating out all other diseases. In the United States alone one out of every 3 females and one out of every two males will develop cancer in their lifetime. That’s 33% and 50% respectively in case you have a hard time with math like me. Has there ever been a pandemic so far reaching, so catastrophic throughout our recorded history?

And increasingly it is affecting our companion animals. It’s guesstimated that anywhere from 2 to 6 million new cases of cancer naturally occur every year in cats and dogs. Some breeds are harder hit than others. At least half of all Golden Retrievers, it is believed, will die from cancer.

I didn’t know all of this almost three years ago when my two dogs, Hudson and Murphy, and I decided to walk from Austin TX to Boston MA for cancer. Our story started out simple enough; my mother is a breast cancer survivor and my family has been touched by the disease but it wasn’t until my Great Pyrenees, Malcolm, died from metastatic osteosarcoma that cancer became my mission.

I just wanted to walk across the country and share Malcolm’s story and let people know that dogs, too, get cancer. But as I talked to more and more oncologists and scientists I learned that there isn’t a lot, if any, difference. That’s not surprising since dogs drink the same water we do, breathe the same air, and are exposed to the same environmental toxins.

At the tail end of our 2,300 mile walk we formed a foundation devoted to raising awareness, educating, and funding research about the common link between cancer in people and pets and area of science known as comparative oncology.

That foundation, 2 Million Dogs, has an ambitious nationwide effort that was launched this year to have 2 million dogs walk simultaneously throughout the country for cancer. On November 7th 2010 our first such event was held in 12 cities and 2011 will at least double that.

Please join us in our efforts to eradicate cancer in companion pets and people, too. Thank you and… Puppy up!

Hudson, Murphy, & Luke

My Prayer for Murphy

When I was first blessed with the vision of our walk it blinded me and laden with doubt, I turned away from it. Then you showed me it was your will.

Still I balked. "But the road will be too hard and too long and the risks to Hudson and Murphy too many". Do you remember that conversation?

You answered that you would deliver my boys safely from Austin to Boston. That day I set the date of our departure. You kept your promise. You even kept Murphy's cancer at bay until a week after the completion of the walk when he first showed symptoms but by then the tumor was already advanced and inoperable.

We haven't talked much since then or more truthfully I haven't been in the mood to listen. I've been fighting for Murphy's survival these past six months and making every medical decision to the best of my ability to save your servant, my son. Though tonight he lies alone in an ICU stripped of all defenses, susceptible to the slightest infection that could kill him.

So what do you want from me now god? Have I not given everything that I am?

I don't ask you for forgiveness because I cannot both serve you on my knees and walk righteously for my cause. I won't ask you for mercy for myself or to be spared any emotion or pain.

All I ask is don't take Murphy.... not my other son. He's not done here

Tumor Juices

It was never my intention to be deliberately or overtly critical of some of our friends on Facebook in my previous post - I was merely making an observation and a curiously funny parallel between a mock reality show and Murphy's tragic circumstances.

In hindsight I suppose it had a kind of twisted desperate hilarity to it like when my brother Mark referred to Murphy's nasal drainage as 'tumor juices', as in "You can stay in our house just don't get tumor juices all over it."

Later on when we were watching a Spurs game downstairs we heard a racket up in the guest bedroom where Hudson and Murphy slumbered. "What's that noise?" he asked anxiously.

I wryly replied, "It's probably those tumor juices congealing, organizing into a humanoid that'll take your kids away". Mark, having clearly watched way too much Sy Fy channel in his lifetime, said without hesitation, "I've seen it happen, man."

Some days I don't know whether it's absolute clarity or madness I see... whether I'm hearing the voice of God or haunted by Marlon Brando talking about a snail crawling on a razor's edge.

But I do try to keep humor about me. I'm starting to understand that it rarely translates unless you've had me in your home, know our entire story, and maybe even call us your own.

While I'll try to do better and be less esoteric, what a great title for a cartoon 'Tumor Juices'. If I could only draw...

Murphy's Dilemma

Guess I confused some of you recently with cryptic posts on Facebook. It's been no easy thing trying to keep up with the pace of change in Murphy's condition and communicate the bullet points to you throughout.

Coming up with a chemotherapy plan has been considerably complicated. Since we were already in unchartered territories by combining both IMRT and SRT radiation for Murphy's nasal adenocarcinoma, science hasn't been a useful guide for us.

The standard of care for nasal tumors of Murphy's size and location is radiation which we'd maxed out on in December with a double dose. Some of you have asked why would I even consider chemotherapy for Murphy after all he's been through and that's a valid question for which I have no valid answer.

When the first round of radiation failed - not only did it NOT stop the original tumor it somehow resulted in the formation of two new malignant growths. I went into berserk mode. His nasopharynx was rapidly being pinched down to pin sized. Murphy couldn't breath normally, he struggled to eat even though I pureed his food, and he slept only seconds at a time. I doubted Murphy would make it to Christmas but miraculously he did.

SRT seemed to reduce his nasal inflammation enough for marginal respiratory improvement but his prognosis was still rate limited by radiation's ability to regress the tumor (best case scenario) or halt its growth (least worst case scenario) without killing him that is.

All of the doctors with whom I've discussed his situation seem to agree if radiation fails again Murphy will be dead within weeks. But they also agree there is no further course of action. In their opinion, based on the preponderance of evidence, drugs would neither extend his life nor improve it.

This is the miasma in which I've been making life and death decisions on Murphy's behalf. And while I'm flying without radar here if this was the TV show Survivor, I feel like some of you on Facebook would've already voted Murphy off the island.

Perfect for Valentine's Day

Help Murphy, the love of our life, and give a beautiful gift to the love of your life ...

Thanks to our friend and supporter Roz Abrams Smith. She's donating of sales of her beautifully hand-crafted Swarovski RED crystal earrings to help defray Murphy's cost of care. “These stunning round multifaceted ruby red Swarovski crystals are combined with slightly smaller clear tapered Swarovski crystals. Dangling round ruby red crystals float beneath. Sterling silver ear wires and components, the earrings measure approximately 2 inches from the top of the ear wire. Every item arrives in a magical black organza gift bag! 100% of the sale of these earrings will go directly to Luke to help with Murphy's vet bills. 5 pairs have already been sold. Shipping is free with this item within the continental United States.” Please have a look at these stunning earrings at her web page.

You are also invited to friend her on Facebook. Search "The Wizard Of Roz."

For more of Roz's work, please visit her web page.

The Wizard Of Roz is also listed with Where To Get Engaged

To learn more about Roz and her work, please read the interview featuring "The Wizard Of Roz".

Thank you, Roz, for your generosity!

20 Stones: Unchartered Territories

I keep forgetting that our new friends and followers might be unfamiliar with the history of the Stone Series… my bad. Here are links to the first two posts; 61 Stones; 61 Stones 2

We’re camping out at Somerville Lake tonite on our way to Texas A&M Vet School where Murphy will receive his first dose of chemotherapy tomorrow.

It wasn’t an easy decision I assure you and it was one that’s bedeviled by my own personal doubts, a deficiency of scientific data, disagreements in treatment approaches, and a limited number of drugs to choose from.

But we’ve been in unchartered territories ever since the first round of IMRT failed, Murphy’s cancer spread, and he underwent a second course of radiation.

I suppose most would’ve given up by now but Murphy and I are no strangers to the unknown or the insurmountable.

22 Stones

Don't know where I left off last with Murphy's condition but Christmas week we reached critical mass. He was struggling and I wasn't sure if he'd make it.

I didn't think the massive radiation doses administered over three days would alleviate his airways quickly enough for him to breath sufficiently which is why I explored radical ideas like inserting a shunt or stent.

But the radiation did work and it didn't take the two weeks that was speculated. By Christmas day Murphy was playing with Hudson for the first time in weeks and it was a very special day. That's a photo of Murphy taking off with his X-Mas booty that I entitled, "Kthnxbye".

We were blessed with a mostly uneventful week following Christmas during which I turned 40 and then the Earth added another year to the 4.54 billion and change it has under its belt.

I say mostly because Murphy has had nosebleeds and down days but he's still markedly better than two weeks ago. However, that radiation was so effective so quickly suggests serious side effects are in store. Already Murphy's losing fur on his head and around his eyes that never fully re-grew from the first round but we knew that hitting the tumor hard would be risky.

We are due to return to CSU this morning for a clinical evaluation to assess whether he's a candidate for adjunct chemotherapy though my mind's pretty much already made up since the 'wait and see' approach after radiation last August was a complete failure. Had I run parallel courses then we may have been in a different place now.

Which is perhaps the lesson for the week. When it involves cancer always assume the worst and choose the most aggressive form of therapy. I'm listening to The Emperor of All Maladies on CD now (which I highly recommend) and while it's chocked full of interesting metaphors I'm a movie kinda guy.

While writing this blog The Terminator came to mind when Reese is trying to convey the seriousness of the situation to Sarah Connor. "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity or remorse. And it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead."

23 Stones: Murphy's Rain

There's a Japanese expression, 'Mono no aware' and while it's one of many that are untranslatable into English, it basically means the 'pathos of things'.

It's a phrase I learned long ago, that perhaps I used promiscuously in my youth to impress others, but never truly grasped its gravitas til last Monday.

Immediately after dropping Murphy off at Colorado State University for his second round of radiation I was overwrought. Making life and death decisions about a loved one isn't the way you want to kickstart the week, especially the week of Christmas.

Untreated, mortality is most assured within a matter of months for Murphy but there's also a pretty good chance radiation could take him sooner. I was so torn up inside I almost turned around, picked him back up, and drove into the mountains to live out his final days.

But I made a decision... but I damn well wasn't happy about it.

'Dour' doesn't even come close to describing the mood I was in that morning but I had to keep myself moving. So when I pulled into the parking lot of King Sooper, a local grocery chain whose name still makes no sense to me, it came as no surprise when the rain began pouring down.

Wait a sec, it's sunny outside.

And there it was. Mono no aware.

It's as if God took a blade and severed the sky - to my left was sunshine and my right darkness. And a rainbow bridged the two.

Mono no aware is a feeling of both happiness and sorrow, hope and hopelessness at the same time. The Japanese use the expression to describe witnessing the transient beauty of a Cherry Tree blossom. It embraces belief but resigns itself to reality. It's poetry from pain; discovery in darkness.

It's a human tendency to make life too figurative or too literal so that it suit our purposes and there's no one that hates cramming a metaphor into someone else's morning more than me.

But it was a beautiful thing, Murphy's rain.

Merry Christmas From the Family

Happy Holidays & Have a puppy up! Christmas

- Hudson, Murphy, Luke, Toomey, & the Pony

Murphy's X-Mas Sammich

Throughout our walk I volunteered at dozens of shelters and those experiences deeply impacted me. Seems to me we're all displaced in life at one point or another; whether cast out or wandering about.

We look to our faith, family, and friends and even food for comfort when we're lost. Shelter dogs are in need of all of those especially this time of year.

As much as I'd love to rescue them all, I can't travel with more than two in my pack. But I can make sure they have a holiday meal.




A bit of history - Murphy celebrated his 8th birthday in Memphis where Mommy G threw him a party. Murphy's a passionate eater to say the least; if Maslow triangulated his heirarchy of needs it'd be food, poop, and snuggles. Food, of course, being at the top. We'd been on the road for over a year and I really wanted to do something special for him.

Make a Murphy Sammich came to mind, a tribute to his truly spectacular appetite. Thus history was made. People from all parts have their own version of a sandwich. Some start with the meat, some with the bread, spread, or stuffing. Being a Texas boy and in honor of Murphy's gluttony, my starting point was 'Big'.


The biggest commercially available bread for such a sammich (I'm no baker) is Boboli. Murphy's absolute favorite food in the universe is the Honest Kitchen and Lucy, the founder, has been feeding him since before we left Austin in March 2008.



The first layer of the sammich is of course THK, Murphy loves Embark best so re-hydrate a cup or two and spread it out on the bottom crust. This time I topped it with lean hamburger and turkey bacon (I was thinking of my brothers who go to a restaurant and order meat with a side of meat). Note - I use no oils to cook the meats - pancreatitis can kill.




I love the pic on the left - Murphy knows I'm making a sammich and he's gonna be damn certain it's all his. Uh, hello, what part of Murphy Sammich don't you understand? Trying to teach kids today the spirit of Christmas is never an easy thing.


Once the massively awesome meaty goodness layer goes down, it's time for cheese. Although the processed American cheese slices I used was an economic decision, I don't recommend you do the same. More and more I'm convinced processing food is fundamentally harmful but that's a thread for another time.

Boboli crust #2 on top, bake it at 350 for 15 minutes then decorate. Since this is the very first X-Mas Sammich I sprinkled the Cheez Whiz with red and green sugar granules and there you have it. We delivered it to the Larimer Humane Society yesterday and oh, boy were they excited. Coincidentally, Molly, their communications director lost a dog to cancer and her loss set her on a new path. I know all about that...


None of us thought we'd be here this Christmas. I was already planning our next great adventure when we walked the final mile into Boston. But you make the best of it and share the blessings you've been given.


Please, make a Murphy Sammich for your local shelter this holiday...

Two Weeks

From our 1pm meeting today...

The team at Colorado State University is confident that Murphy will show signs of tumor regression by the two week mark before they consider pursuing some of my whacky ideas like implanting a stent or shunt to alleviate his breathing difficulties.

I said something like, "Okay, but he sleeps for 30 seconds then awakens with an unforgiving version of apnea. It's even effecting his eating."

"He's just going to have to learn how to adjust", was the counterpoint and a good one at that. I had just posted the question last nite about how I could teach Murphy to breath through his mouth not his snout. But big dogs are inherently stubborn SOBs (sumbitches as we say in TX) so we'll see how that works out.

I agreed to wait to implant a device contingent upon Murphy's comfortability and that his clinical symptoms don't worsen. But honestly it feels like a crapshot like those commercials you see, 'Give me a week and we'll take off the weight.' Bet it didn't work for those guys.

Don't get me wrong I have complete respect for and trust in our oncology team but I'm a contrarian and questioning everything is the responsibility you have when making decisions on behalf of a loved one who can't speak for themselves.

So once again, we wait but we do so with benchmarks. I'll meet with the radiologist Dr. Custis again next week for a clinical evaluation and then the following week to discuss chemotherapy.

There has been a plot twist though - we got back the results from the biopsy for the two new tumors and from way outta left field, they're sarcomas not adenocarcinoma. Why? No one seems to know but they're malignant cells and anything beyond that seems to have no therapeutic value. Rougly translated, it doesn't matter what color they are - red, green, or purple they must die.

"You got two weeks"

Far Away From Here

T.S. Eliot wrote,"And the end of all our exploring. Will be to arrive where we started. And know the place for the first time".

I wish I knew what he was talking about. Five years ago almost to the week Malcolm was stuggling with his last breaths and I find myself back to this same place with Murphy. And I don't know a goddamn thing.

Where ever I thought we'd end up after the walk it wasn't supposed to be here.

Notes on Murphy

Dictating my thoughts for the oncologists at CSU, others who have dogs with nasal adenocarcinoma, and in the interest of science.

Over the weekend Murphy's ability to breath through his snout has diminished significantly. It seems this new tumor is spreading quickly. We hope the radiation will stop this growth almost immediately. In laymans terms here's how it works:

Cancer cells are referred to as 'immortal' because they divide unabatedly. The first one, not sure what scientists call it; perhaps the parental or originator, has a gene that for some reason is turned on telling it to start dividing. That one cell becomes two which becomes four, etc. into you have a tumor mass consisting of millions of cells. Radiation therapy attempts to interfere with the tumor cells' ability to continue mitotic division thereby stopping growth. The cells that can't divide eventually die off.

Back to Murphy. Even if this massive three day dose of radiation halts tumor growth, it'll still be restricting airflow in the interim. We've already discussed a surgical option in Dr. Withrow's words taking a roto-router and cleaning the tumor out but that presents some serious problems.

That got me thinking this morning. How can we improve breathing through his snout without surgery and how do we do something like this in humans? Well we know that when people have clogged arteries we place a stent in them permitting improved blood flow. Plus, stents are now drug delivery systems so this might be a way to administer chemo directly into the tumor site.

Must discuss this with Dr. Withrow...

Become a Sugar Mommy or Daddy to Murphy

Murphy's total vet bills are expected to weigh in around $8,000. Ginger & I have already maxed out our care credit so we'd appreciate any help. I've always had a tough time with charity and those who know me intimately know this. That may seem strange but there will be a chapter on that in the book about it...

I'm a firm believer in trading value for value so this time I'm doing limited edition canvases each autographed by me and bearing Hudson & Murphy's actual pawprint. We have three photos to choose from all depicted nearby.

The photos will be transferred to canvas then stretched over a wooden frame. Two sizes are available 8x10 and 11x14. We're asking$75 for the former; $100 for the later.

I'm limiting this run to 50 per photo which should completely cover his medical costs. That way some of you may consider buying one as an investment that'll one day sell for $1 million when Murphy beats his cancer then runs for President.

Some of you wanted my current profile pic on Facebook (which is one of my absolute favorites of Murphy) but that was taken with an i-phone and is only 600kb far too small for photo quality. I might have it converted to a painting in the future.

A couple of considerations. These prices cover the cost of shipping which will take anywhere from 2 weeks to a month. The mom & pop shop we're using does each individually. Ginger has also included our final Memorial shirt and our cause bracelets on the Click and Pledge page for some reason or other.

To purchase a limited edition canvas, click here https://co.clickandpledge.com/advanced/default.aspx?wid=39290

If you have any questions, shoot me an email at 2dogs2000miles@gmail.com

24 Stones

Murphy's life expectancy got downgraded last week. That pisses me off but like I recently posted on facebook, I don't know whether I have more fight or faith in me but his metastatic cancer is not going to keep us down...

Here's what's in store for us this week:

Monday December 20th

- Drop Murphy off at CSU for first radiation treatment
- Afterwards pick up our good friend John Stalls (http://kivawalk.com ) and his dog Kanoa and head to Eldorado Springs State Park for a nite of camping and knuckleheadedness

Tuesday December 21st

- Sober up by 6am - say see ya to John. He's a good kid...
- Murphy's second treatment
- Gotta grab some gifts for my nieces b/f I go back to TX. Didn't make it to Archie McPhee's when we were in Seattle so I'm sort of at a loss. Educational or irreverance are the only gifts I buy people. There's a family pack of wrestling masks at McPhee's that's out of stock I wish I could get my hands on for me & the boys - Los Perros Loco Lucha Libre...

Wednesday December 22nd

- Third and final dose of radiation
- Denver. My friends here in Fort Collins got tickets to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Don't know if it's YMCA meets Slovenia yet but Murphy's coming with us and we all know how good he looks in a tool belt.
- Afterwards we'll take him to the Buckhorn Exhchange for a beefy treat he's never had before

Thursday December 23rd

- Make Murphy Xmas Sammiches for CSU patients. While Murphy's the greatest lover of (http://thehonestkitchen.com ) even he likes to share during the holiday season. We'll be making a coupla pies for cancer patients today.

Friday December 24th

- Take Murphy on a tour of Xmas lights.
- Leave cookies, coke & cigarettes out hoping Tony Bourdain (http://anthonybourdain.net), my new hero, shows up and doesn't confuse Hudson & Murphy for albino possums and tries to make them into a stew.

Saturday December 25th

- Open House at Claire's. It's a sushi Christmas and our last real day in Colorado. Grab a pair of chopsticks, stop by for the Ginger Grinch, the Murphy Maki, & whatever the hell else I come up with

Sunda... never mind not going to happen. Snuggle Snuggle with Murphy...

Monday December 27th

- Leave 3am for TX. God I need my family now...

Murphy's Treatment Plan

If you're offended easily, please read no further. Don't know what sort of graphic language will be expressed in this post and I have no intention of editing it.

A lot of you know me from our walk from Austin to Boston ( http://2dogs2000miles.org/ ) some of our new friends don't. Then I was walking in memory of Malcolm whom I lost to cancer. Now I'm just a father who's desperately trying to save his other boy's life from this dreadful disease. I've made the decision to make a documentary of this latest chapter of our lives and I'll post more about this as it develops.

It's already a hard time of year from me since it was this time in 2005 when Malcolm was struggling and the metastatic tumor in his lungs was overtaking him. But this isn't about me so let me bring you up to speed about Murphy.

I posted about his prognosis. We don't understand why the first round of radiation failed... I have a theory but for now it's academic and we can't afford time for talk. The tumor has reached critical mass and if allowed to grow any further, it'll shut off his ability to breath through his snout. If that happens he'll have no quality of life.

The recommendation of the oncology team at CSU is that we have to act immediately and hit it hard with everything they've got. Their radiation plan is 30 grays administered over three days, the maximum tolerable dose.

After that we'll look into chemo as an adjunct therapy. Thanks to everyone who posted to our wall about human cancer drug trials - Erich is compiling a list from your links so I can send emails out to the principal investigators.

The potentially catastrophic downside to this plan is there's a 5% chance Murphy will succumb to massive radiation alone in a few weeks or months.

"What's your decision?" Dr. Withrow asked me Friday.

Having sat through 30 minutes of if, ands, & buts - all I could think about was Star Trek. Strange since I'm not a Trekkie but when he said the first round of radiation merely stunned the tumor, I thought of the phaser and it's two settings: Stun and Vaporize. At least that's how I remembered it since the last time I saw an episode was probably in the 80s. Perhaps we didn't hit it hard enough the first time and the Variant Trilogy machine was on the wrong setting.

I don't know how much time passed after he asked the question - all the options and the probabilities of their outcomes cycled through my head like a centrifuge.

"What are we going to do?" he asked again.

"Let's kill this mother f***er"

Prognosis

Just met with the team at CSU and based on the PET-CT scan and the scoping this morning they say Murphy has 3 months to live without re-radiation, 6 maybe 8 months with...

@#$!*%($(#

Murphy's a tough ole boy and it's just like him to have a tumor with serious resolve. In Dr. Withrow's words despite 18 doses of radiation we've only stunned it. He thinks the original mass is 'stable' but I'm not convinced. From the PET scan you can see how it is lysing the bone tissue of the left orbit.

But that's not the bad news. There are two new growths and while we're having them biopsied today there's really no doubt they're malignant. The one that's causing grave concern is growing in his pharynx the slender space that takes oxygen from the snout to the lungs. If you look at the picture nearby the pharynx is the narrow corridor cut between the eyes. That's problematic. Like bottlenecked traffic at some point it'll stop the flow of air through his nasal passages entirely.

We're not at the point yet of discussing euthanasia so don't go there. Dogs don't have quit in them and I'm not about to quit on Murphy. People are the only species on this planet who give up on life.

Aside from bloody discharges and 'pharyngeal gagging' which is like a reverse sneeze, Murphy's doing quite well. It's his strength I'm convinced that'll be our greatest asset in this fight. However, hard decisions are on the horizon.

There's no good model I can look at this in humans as nasal cancer is surprisingly rare. They say re-radiating is the only alternative left but I'll spend the weekend researching every options. I'll exhaust all possibilities and mortgage my soul if I have to.

For those of you who want to help, here's what we need: a comprehensive list of human adenocarcinoma drug trials. They'll probably be gastric or colorectal studies but if there's any therapy that this cancer is responding to in people, we need to know. Rather than email me the results please post everything to my wall on facebook. I want everyone to have access to this research.

Next, I need a near film quality camera. I don't know how much time Murphy has left but I want to document every minute of it. My camera doesn't have the quality so we need a loaner.

Thank you...

PET Scan

These videos are from my consult with the radiation oncology team at CSU this morning. The news was devastating even though I felt something was wrong a few weeks back. I haven't watched them and don't know if the dialogue is audible. I'll try to post later tonite to let everyone know where we're at but I just don't have the strength for explanation and elaboration right now. All I want is to be with my boy

Preliminary Analysis of PET scan

It's almost certain Murphy has new tumor growth in two areas one of which is causing breathing problems. Dr. Withrow is still consulting with the radiation team and we're meeting back at CSU at 9am. As of yesterday afternoon we discussed putting a scope up there and biopsying the new tissue just to be sure but the PET scan really wiped Murphy out and I'm unsure about performing the procedure today.

If there is new growth this is where it becomes problematic. From my understanding when we finished up the first round of radiation in September the game plan was let's take a look at it in four months and if the tumor's still there let's hit it again until we shrink it completely or it can be removed surgically.

But re-radiating the tumor can have some potentialy deleterious side effects. Hopefully we'll know more in a few hours...

Murphy Update

Murphy hasn't had a CT scan yet. Dr Withrow wanted to do a thorough physical first and during the exam he palpated a nodule in his lymph node which they aspirated. It's unlikely this type of cancer spreads to the lymph system but we want to be sure.

He also wanted to biopsy the tissue that Murphy sneezed up Sunday morning which can only be described as fleshy gray matter, pictured nearby (vy sorry for the graphic nature of the photo but welcome to my world). Is this the byproduct from radiation, debris from the destruction the cancer has caused in his nasal passage, or evidence of new tumor growth? We don't know yet.

On the upside, Murphy's blood work came back normal although he's slightly anemic, probably due to his nose bleeds, and his chest films were clear.

A CT scan is scheduled for Wednesday morning while we're awaiting the results of the lymph aspirate and the biopsy.

That's all I got right now...

The Homeless Chef

Oy everyone. Order is more alluring than chaos to some but it's often illusory. Still I'm trying to better structure the telling of our story. Rather than use this blog as a dump site for all things 'Luke' I've started a separate one specifically for the culinary aspects of our adventures http://thehomelesschef.wordpress.com/

I'm undecided if I'll continue with my 61 Stones blog since I want everyone here updated about Murphy's condition, too, and I'd just copy my posts over anyway. Besides I don't want to end up too subdivided since the sum of me is better than the parts or the parts add up to more than the whole. Err... moving on...

One of my favorite quotes is from Dylan Thomas taken from a forward to a book of his poems, "These (blogs), with all their crudities, doubts, and confusions, are written for the love of man and in praise of (dog). And I'd be a damn fool if they weren't."

Okay, I changed it up a bit but you get the point.

Maybe I should just start a new blog and call it: Eat, Pray, Play, Pet Doggie, and Kick the Crap Outta Cancer. I think that just about covers it...

One Time

"One time" is a phrase often used by poker players looking to luck out after a series of bad beats.

Meet Buddy and while his aliases read like a veritable list of Vegas wise guys - The Bud Man; Biscuit Head; Frankenbuddy; Buddy Fifteen Toes (Nah, I just made that one up), he's no poker player at all. He's a dog and perhaps the unluckiest dog of all.

There's not a lot known about Buddy before he arrived at the Humane Society of Memphis and Shelby County other than he was a Katrina rescue from New Orleans with buckshot in his butt and a gnarled and withered hind leg. Speculation was it must've gotten caught in barbed wire and he chewed his paw off.

And even though he endeared himself to the staff at the shelter with his big, big heart and the Bud Man dance he does when he gets excited, they couldn't find an adoptive family for him. Nope, life wasn't much kinder in his new town. Time and time again he was adopted out only to be inexplicably and incredulously returned.

Ultimately Ginger, then the head of the Humane Society, took him home. But poor ole Buddy has never caught a break. In December 2008 he was diagnosed with multilobular osteochondrosarcoma when they discovered a tumor in his head. Vets at the University of Missouri excised the mass with clean margins but in the process removed his right eye and a portion of his jaw.

Buddy recovered fine but this Monday 6:30am Seattle time I got a call from Ginger. His lungs are riddled with tumors. After contacting several oncologists there's a ghost of a chance he's a candidate for an experimental drug but we won't know until next week.

And while we hold out hope, Buddy hasn't always been unlucky. He met Mommy G.

So here's for one more time... God, one more time

43 Stones

Murphy finished his course of antibiotics but he continues to bleed from his left nostril periodically. I've consulted with DVMs & MDs but at the end of the day my instinct tells me something is wrong.

While fish oil is an anticoagulant I began administering 2 grams daily in Louisville back in September but it wasn't until San Francisco two months later that his nosebleeds began. It may be a contributing factor but it isn't the cause.

So what does the nosebleed mean? It could be a positive indication that the tumor cells are lysing or a symptom of tumor growth or even the side effects of radiation.

I talked at length with an ICU doc last night and after running through a scenario analysis, we agreed that it was, in her words, structural. She also pointed out that my insticts have always been spot on with Murphy. True enough as it was nineteen stones ago I awoke Saturday morning and knew something was wrong with Murphy. The following Monday my fears were confirmed that he had nasal cancer.

According to Dr. LaRue his radiation oncolgist that after four months it's more likely than not that some tumor tissue will remain so we're already anticipating surgery or hopefully not more radiation.

We're a week and a half away from his CT scan and while I have many meetings and appearances between now and then I can cancel those and move up our appointment at CSU. The question is, if the tumor is growing again, does a week and a half make a difference?

Back before Malcolm was diagnosed with bone cancer I swore I detected a slight limp and I observed him every day on our walks on the Charles River. But I let his vet convince me I was seeing things. A few weeks later after I finally took him in for an X-ray and got the diagnosis I was racked with guilt for not going with my gut but his oncologist assured me it wouldn't have mattered.

I feel like I have six-shooter pointed at my head with three bullets in it. I'm just so busted up inside.

44 Stones

There's a difference in life between a path and a way.

Stormbringers

Half an hour before arriving at Fossil Creek Park in Fort Collins to lead the first of the 2 Million Dog March puppy up walks, gale force winds descended down from the Rocky Mountains at times gusting up to 50mph by my guestimate.

As Hudson, Murphy & I walked up to the pavillion I had already decided to scrap the speech I had prepared opting instead to literally go where the winds took us. The violent gusts drowned out the amplifiers making it hard to even hear myself speak but I'll try as best I can to sum up its essence.

To me, the winds were a sign. Now I know that's partly my romantic interpretation of things but what an appropriate metaphor on an awfully important day.

Growing up in farming country you learn there are only two types of wind - helpin & a'hurtin. It's easy in life to curse the head & crosswinds, but say a prayer of thanks for the tailwind. I myself did that upon occasion on our cross country walk. But the surest timber stands tall and true in the greatest of adversities and those are the people of 2 Million Dogs.

You launched 12 walks in 9 states with only two months of tarmac to plan and prepare these events and the response was nothing short of spectacular. Ginger will post the results here soon but the flags we planted Sunday November 7th 2010 send a strong message about our resolve and the strength of our community of cancer families and supporters & sponsors.

For me personally, what made me most proud was the news coverage and stories - listening and watching the people that hosted us on our travels being on the radio or TV for the first time in their lives... that was so cool. Signe & Patty who held fast the Purple People Bridge in OH; Brock Ketterman a handsome young fell'r and friend of the fuzzybutts in Pittsburgh who now has a day named after him for being the Marshall of the event there; Robin & Kerry who walked twice Sunday - in Poughkeepsie and in New Milford CT alongside one of our best friends, Chief; Our friends at Fetch a Cure in Richmond, and our new friends in Washington State and Colorado who you'll hear more about in the coming months.

I wanna thank Ginger Morgan, the Chief Puppy Officer of 2 Million Dogs, and our Board of Directors for continuing the vision I set forth March 2008 and their commitment to eradicating cancer in both pets and people. And thanks to all of the city leaders, their volunteers and participants, & everyone else involved.

What a great thing we started together and while we're no oak trees yet we're definitely a bunch of nuts blown all over this land standing our ground.

puppy up! y'all

Happy Birthday Malcolm

Malcolm would've been 13 Sunday. I didn't realize it until now that his birthday comes on the eve of Pet Cancer Awareness Month.

A year or two ago I might have said that was curiously coincidental but I've witnessed way too much in my travels and I know otherwise now.

Last night I was fortunate enough to listen to Dr. Steve Withrow's talk about his lifelong work in comparative oncology. The title of his presentation tells all, "Some Science. Some Stories. Some True." It was both enlightening and invigorating, and I hope everyone of you has the opportunity to hear him speak some day.

One of the most interesting points he made was that despite breakthroughs in understanding and technological developments, "The dumbest cancer cell is smarter than all of us." My father, a nephrologist, used to talk to me at length when I was young about the amazing complexity of the human body and the intricacies of its individual yet interconnected systems. A few months back in a blog about Murphy I described cancer as nature's perfect enemy. It uses that complexity against its victims.

Dr. Withrow also talked about his efforts in convincing the National Institute of Health of the importance of studying cancer in companion pets. In his words, "NIH never questioned the science but the relevance and the ability to extrapolate it into humans." As a consequence, comparative oncology or translational studies are not even a rounding error in the billions of dollars spent on cancer research in the U.S. every year.

Public perception is still another problem and one I can speak about personally. While on our cross country walk I was invited to a number of human cancer rallies and at every one, I was introduced as the 'Dog Cancer Guy' or on a few occasions the 'Dog Cancer Boy' which made me sound a little like a circus act. Don't get me wrong I was grateful for every opportunity we had on the road to share our story but most of my time at those events was spent on, "Yes, dogs get breast cancer, too, and by working together we may find a common link or a key."

It's important this month, Pet Cancer Awareness Month, to keep in mind exactly what we're up against; the greatest epidemic facing companion pets, limited government funding for research, and even public perception.

That's why participating in the 2 Million Dog March this November 7th is so imperative. We've got to send a message to the media that this isn't just an "Aww, puppies" story and to the general public that the only way to eradicate cancer in both pets and people is through partnership.

We're not going to get 2 million dogs to walk in the 12 cities this year or any where close to that but it's the start. You know when Malcolm's cancer spread to his lungs he had hard days and when he struggled, I whispered to him, "We don't give up, we don't give in until the end, my friend." That's where 'puppy up' came from...

I miss you Malcolm. Happy birthday & puppy up!

To participate in a puppy up walk near you, go to http://2milliondogs.org/walks